When a pet dies, a lot of the grief has nowhere obvious to go. Friends may not understand, the house is suddenly quiet, and the thoughts loop at night. Writing can give those thoughts somewhere to land. You do not need to be good at it, and nobody else has to read it.

The prompts below are grouped by what you might need on a given day. Pick one. Write for five or ten minutes, or write a single line. Stop whenever you want.

How to use these prompts

  • One prompt is enough. You do not need to work through the list in order.
  • Use whatever you have. A notebook, the notes app on your phone, or the back of an envelope all work.
  • Set a short time. Five to ten minutes is plenty. It is easier to start when you know when you will stop.
  • Write badly on purpose. Lists, half sentences and spelling mistakes are fine. This is not for anyone else.
  • Use their name. Many people find it helps to write to their pet directly, as if writing a letter.
  • Stop if it is too much. You can close the notebook and come back another day.

When it has only just happened

These are for the first days, when it is hard to think in full sentences.

  1. What is the first thing you noticed was missing this morning?
  2. Write down their name and every nickname you ever called them.
  3. What sounds do you keep listening for?
  4. Where in the house do you feel their absence the most?
  5. Write three things you want to remember before the details fade.
  6. Who else loved them? Write each person's name.
  7. What do you wish someone would say to you right now?
  8. Finish this sentence as many times as you like: "Today I miss..."

Remembering ordinary days

Small, everyday details are often what people are most afraid of forgetting.

  1. Describe a normal morning with them, from the moment you woke up.
  2. What did they do when you came home?
  3. Where was their favorite place to sleep, and how did they lie there?
  4. What food would they do anything for?
  5. Describe their walk, gait or the way they moved through a room.
  6. What was their most ridiculous habit?
  7. What did they do that nobody else's pet did?
  8. Describe a photo of them that you love, without looking at it.

How they came into your life

  1. How did you first meet them?
  2. Who chose their name, and why?
  3. What do you remember about their first night at home?
  4. What did you think they would be like, and what were they actually like?
  5. How did your life change because of them?

When you feel guilty or keep thinking "what if"

Guilt is one of the most common parts of pet loss, especially after an illness or euthanasia. These prompts are not meant to settle whether you made the right decision. They are meant to get the looping thoughts out of your head and onto the page.

  1. Write down the "what if" that keeps coming back. Then write what you knew at the time you made the decision.
  2. What would you say to a friend who told you this exact story about their own pet?
  3. List the ways you cared for them in their last weeks, including the small ones.
  4. If they could have understood one thing about that day, what would you want it to be?
  5. What is one thing you did right?

If guilt is taking over your days, talking it through with a vet you trust or a pet loss support service can help more than writing alone.

Writing to them

  1. Write a letter that starts, "Dear [their name], I never got to tell you..."
  2. Thank them for three specific things.
  3. Tell them what has happened since they died.
  4. Tell them about the people who have asked about them.
  5. Write the goodbye you would have said if you had had more time.

On harder days later on

Grief often comes back around birthdays, the anniversary, holidays or a smell or sound that catches you off guard. These prompts are for those days.

  1. What brought them to mind today?
  2. Is there a day coming up that you are dreading? What would make it a little easier?
  3. What has changed in how you miss them since the first week?
  4. What do other people not understand about this loss?
  5. What do you want people to know about them?

When you are ready to look forward

There is no schedule for these. Some people reach them in a few weeks, some much later, some never, and all of those are fine.

  1. What did they teach you about patience, routine or joy?
  2. How would you like to remember them a year from now?
  3. Is there something you would like to do in their name?
  4. What would you like to keep doing, from your life with them?

If writing makes it harder

Journaling helps many people, but not everyone, and not every day. If writing leaves you more upset each time, try a lighter version (a list of their favorite things instead of a letter) or stop for a while.

Grief that does not ease, or that makes it hard to sleep, eat or get through the day, is worth talking about with someone. In the UK, Blue Cross Pet Loss Support offers free, confidential support. In the US or elsewhere, your veterinarian may be able to point you toward a local pet loss support group. If you ever feel unsafe, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line.

If you would like to share some of it

Most journal entries are private, and they should be. But sometimes a prompt turns into a memory you want other people to read: the story of how you met, or that one ridiculous habit. If you would like to share it, our guide on what to write in a pet memorial shows how to turn a few notes into a short story, and an Everlit Pets memorial page gives it a place where family and friends can read it and add their own.